you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
