to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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