My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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