State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
