i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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