Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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