yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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