She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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