winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
