You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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