There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
