Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
