If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
