You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
