I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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