Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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