Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
