My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
