i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
