Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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