why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
