Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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