he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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