I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
