I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
