Jerry, you need to find god
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
