Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
