white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
