yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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