I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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