weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i now understand why vodka
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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