You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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