I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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