I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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