I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
