Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
