I just threw up on my dentist
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
