No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
