don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
