I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
