This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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