my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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