dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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