dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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