I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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