I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
