If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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