girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
