God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
