We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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