I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
