you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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