she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
