I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
