GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
