I looked at my own cervix.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
