yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
