Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
