planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
