haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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