Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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