when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My vagina just clenched in fear
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
