I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
