Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
