I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
