I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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