how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
