he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is the high leading the old right now
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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