I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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