just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
