i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I still have a little drunk in my system
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
