apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
