My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
