my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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