Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
